They're about emotional fusion — when leaders lose track of where they end and their teams begin. Related: This is the Kind of Leadership That Will Transform Your TeamWhat family systems teach us about leading at workEdwin Friedman, rabbi and leadership contrarian, once said that leadership isn't about style — it's about managing emotional fields. The real leadership work is what Friedman called self-differentiation — the ability to stay connected to others without getting absorbed by their emotions. But real leadership lives in the messy, unglamorous middle. Stay kind, stay connected, but don't get recruited.